5

At last, Azad and Amarna were on the stage. Through two months of turbulant practice, they had mustered a dance routine you could not call half-inspired, and now, with the troupe, they had flown to a modest theatre in Madrid – where Amarna called home.

It was only Azad's third time flying, and his first time not with any family – he was pumped. But he didn't know what to pack, and his mum was surprisingly more fussy than usual about what Azad tried to cram into his little suitcase. His starry dance outfit, an obvious necessity. But he turned to Amarna for advice, and she advised him on getting vaccinated ("You may not be kissing or fucking somebody there, but the mosquitos carry a history with them..") along with preparing with his travel iternary, passport and cash on a fanny pack, hidden underneath his shirt.

When they got there, the airbnb Azad rented – it was less than ideal, being several stops south of the city centre of Sol, but the apartment's hospitants were really nice. A mum, who looked after her crying kid, alongside her Portuguese uncle who'd lounge on the couch, watching TV under the fan. Many of the troupe members were able to rent out hotels, but with someone like Azad just starting out, he could only have so much..

Yet, it was more than enough. Madrid was a really lush, lively place, more than what Azad had grown used to at home, and he would find there was always something going on, a street performer on the Metro who'd blast his instruments, people running backwards in a marathon at night, girls who'd sit by a fiery trashcan and talk about the hottest actors, etc.

Amarna had her own place in the suburbs, where she visited her kitties (her friend Svetlena was looking after them while she was gone), and messed around with what would look good on her face during the show. It would have been nice to have Azad stay over, but a part of her relished the tranquility of being alone in her own, familiar home, no matter anything else.

She visited Azad to show him around the city, and helped him get a metro card, as the subway system was elaborate – covering the entire town. Azad, on the train, he eyeballed some of the hot chics on the train (he couldn't help it), and Amarna took that in jest; Spanish women are truly gorgeous. She grabbed his ass as a way of knocking him out of his lusty trance, just as the train approached the right station.

Then, on the streets, just as they were leaving a cafe, something made Amarna freeze. She was a cat caught under the headlights, and Azad didn't know what.

"Are you alright?" he asked, as he caught her in his arms.

"Don't touch me. Azad, oh, I'm sorry.." She nervously caught her breath. It was like she'd regressed into a totally different person- Azad saw she was staring out at something.. or someone, and he tried following her gaze. "That was my ex I saw. I wanted to totally forget him and just move on, and I hoped he'd done the same too."

"What did he do to you?"

She grabbed his hand. "Let's find someplace away from him first." So they went off south, down narrow streets, eventually finding themselves near the backside of a school, and a UNTT'S GAMING CAFE. Azad was taken in by the blackness inside the cafe, and so they went in, finding respite from the heat haze.

It was gaming heaven. Rows upon rows of custom-built PCs, many of them occupied by boys and men alike, playing League of Legends, Counter-Strike, Overwatch..

Amarna sat Azad by a chair stool, away from the counter.

"He was my second boyfriend," she went. "Six years, I spent with him, and I thought I was in a normal loving relationship. It's a long story, but I ran away from his abuse.. cut him out of my life, pretty much." Her eyes were caught up in reflection, and then she shook herself back to reality.

"Well," Azad was kinda at a loss. He'd never dealt with draining, toxic relationships. "Just don't worry about him – he tries anything, I'll ream his ass to the ground, promise you that."

"You don't know how he's like. It's not just the fact he's stronger – he gets you into these mind games. You end up feeling so hopelessly dependent on him."

"But why? People don't do that if they love each other."

"Love can be just another means of having power, control over another. I learned that the hard way. Some people just get off of dominating someone they like.. it's like coveting. The satisfaction of crushing a dove, little by little, in an iron fist."

Azad was slowly starting to realise what Amarna meant. Out of many millions, the one person who arouses your heart. It's almost a natural urge to get rid of negative uncertainty – in a sense, making sure that the one you love, would never (want to) leave you. Innately, it's a proposition rife with insecurity, poisoning what good might have once been there, and sooner or later..

He didn't want to think about that too much, especially in terms of himself and Amarna. So, he looked at the counter – there was someone attending there now, and he thought of simply getting her a drink just to help her cool off.

"Ahem. Holas," Azad went.

The tender glanced at Azad. "Hi, what'll it be?" as he turned the counter's monitor over to Azad's view, showing the prices for renting one of the PCs.

"You have some water or Coca-Cola or anything?" Azad didn't know what he served - luckily, the tender smiled, and poured out a bottled drink into a glass, with ice and a dash of lime juice. It was on the house for new members; the Aquarius drink. So Azad gave Amarna the glass. Some of the drink sips out of Amarna's mouth in the process, and under the neon illumination of the tables, he saw her hair glowing, like a figure of cyberpunk. She was calming down.

"Azad," she began, gazing at him dreamily. "You are kind. And.." She glanced at the kids about to defuse a bomb in CS:GO - "I don't want to worry you about my personal affairs. You're still young. Believe me, I can take care of myself."

It was meant to breathe a sigh of relief for Azad, but on the inside, he frowned. He wanted to be able to do something meaningful, for her.

"No, we're in this together," he said, a hand outstreched to her arm. "If something happened to you, I wouldn't forgive myself. You're my dance partner, and see, we got this far.."

Then Amarna smiled, and she stroked his hand, gently. The look in his eyes was genuine. She pushed aside her doubts, and in her heart where that spark had lain dormant, a feeling of renewed hope.. shone through. How long had it been.. since she wanted to believe in a real love?

For that evening, Azad took both their minds off any need for worrying. On a computer for $1.50 euros, he showed Amarna his endless supply of memes from his Google Drive, they all made her laugh, and then a match of League as a midlaner Kassadin. Amarna was a closet nerd, and though she'd only heard of the game on occasion, Azad's focus lent a reality to the game that you wouldn't get from glancing at some online streamer, playing the game. He was pressing keys, left and right, as he tried to burst Malzahar's shield in lane trades - "My jungler ganks like pussy! Fuck shit damn bitch nigga, man."

Cybercafes in general can get very smelly, the stench of guys, crowded in gaming harmony, and as Azad's match progressed, the sweat dribbled down his forehead and chin. He really wanted to win, even to the point of standing up and grabbing the monitor in a bear hug when he shouldn't have died to an underfed Elise jungle.

"Azad-! Hahaha-" Amarna pet him by the shoulder, as a burly bouncer came along, and gave off that "Do we have any trouble?" speech.

"Aahum, no."

"That's good. Keep it that way."

But eventually, Azad had the match won, and by the end, he had reported three of his teammates for being 'autists.'

"Azad.. look!" Amarna tapped him - in a closed off room, where you could see through the window, there was a guy on a computer. But it wasn't just any PC; the guy was talking into a mic, and you could see on the second monitor that it was for a stream. They both watched him - his calm manner of playing, narrating his gameplay.

"You could easily be a streamer if you wanted to; you were so entertaining."

"Do you really think? Hm.. Goddamn, that's a good idea! But I'm deadass broke, all I got is my laptop at home. But one can dream, right?"

At the airbnb, when everyone else was asleep, Azad crept in the door. Someone next door blared out a late-night soap opera, and he went to his room, which was just a bare mattress and a cabinet. He thought of Amarna, and though he had her on Instagram, he wondered what was the story behind her. On his phone, he looked her up - he found to his bewilderment that she had several videos on porn sites.

..

It wasn't how her areolae were puffy and red, or her lithe body gyrating over the pelvis - absorbing the erection within her body - but her eyes, the seductive way she glanced at the guys she was doing it with. Her moans of total arousal which he heard hints of back then, by the porch - he had to turn his volume down even though he was wearing earbuds.

He was so confused, this was the woman he was with, that he's known (or thought he knew) as a person; but at the same time, he gave in to it. The men fucked her, sometimes very roughly, and Azad borrowed some tissues. His heart was swelling, fast and hard.

In his dreams, he saw Amarna - it was his room, she was in lingerie with seductively red lips, and she undressed him, she caressed him, could feel her rubbing against him, her tender skin. When he laid upon her on his bed, they kissed, mouths devouring each other, finding the taste of nectar while he fondled her breasts and felt the only thing standing between sheer joy were her red panties. She helped him take it off..

this is where she wants to be
(I am what she wants to see)
I've never known
a love so sweet
still I keep Vicki waiting,

Azad woke up, three minutes before the alarm on his phone was set to go off. Oui, he was proud for beating the clock, but was sorely disappointed when his dream abruptly ended before the good part.

The show was going to happen this afternoon. He would be dancing with.. her.

No! Azad tried shaking the images from his head away, focusing on the ordeal at hand, of treating Amarna out to a nice candlelit dinner, and taking her to a love hotel and- think of Pepe the Frog; think of Jihadist Hitler, Padoru Padoru, we're going on a trip in our favourite rocket ship!

The homeowner, Emmanuel, wasn't here, but as Azad poured from the kettle in the kitchen, he met with his wife, who was busy calming down her very young, crying son. She spoke some English, haltingly.

Azad had nervously overfilled his cup, some of it spilled on the counter and down on his leg (ouach!), and she had a napkin, she wiped it dry.

"You seem flustered," she went.

"Yes, it's a huge, huge event today. I'm a dancer! Today has come at last!"

"Even for a big event, you are very nervous. Is it over something else? A girl?" She saw Azad's reaction. "Did she break your heart? or.. you are trying to hide a secret from her?"

The teacup steamed, even when Azad trembled in pouring out a pouch of instant coffee (vanilla), and watching it dissolve as the mixture swirled into spiralling chaos, its epicentre dense with cocoa. He forgot for a moment the situation, and then he caught the housewife's eyes, who were taking him in.

"Yes, there is a girl," he said. "And I love her. Not like that-" he mentioned as if imitating a horny teenager; young, dumb and full of cum. "She has been through a lot. An ex-boyfriend, who hurt her. I don't want to be like that to her."

The housewife seemed to understand, even if Azad explained his feelings poorly. He was only saying half the story.

"There's a saying," she said. "Don't try to be a great man. Just be a man, and find out your own road. If you worry too much about being someone you're supposed to be, rather than accepting who you really are - that love of yours has already faded away."

She lifted her son on her knees, feeding him baby food. "That's a good boy. Chew chew.. here's another bite. Oh, your name, Azad, is it?"

"Yeah."

"I believe your dance troupe is on Instagram. The Belladonna Lips?"

"Um hum."

She could only guess as to which of the pretty girls Azad was in a relationship with. "I'll cheer you on from afar."

It was being hosted in the Cine Callao. If you got off the Callao metro station, the square would be so busy, the women bustling over the latest purses in the stores, while the old architectual buildings loomed over you, with modern displays advertising the latest in show business - the Cine Callao had large drapes, animating the arrival of the Belladonna Lips in bold lettering, with the face of Tania highlighting graceful dance moves.

The last rehersals were tough, as the impending pressure to perform crept through with the reality of the to-be-filled seats, and in tandum with Tania ordering the stagehands with precise instructions on how it was to be lit, the backgrounds of glittering stars and the confetti.

A stagehand in particular, Alex was taken in by the entire rehersals, and during one of the breaks, came up to Amarna and asked how she was so lucky to be amongst the best dancers. She guffawed, and said that it was just something she took a liking to, but never thought of seriously pursuing, until recently.

The very last rehersal, Azad felt woefully inadequate. He had come this far, but he felt like what he was going to pull off, with Amarna - it was amateur-level moves, it showed through the nervous trembling he felt in his legs. People would be nonplussed watching the two of them, they would be the joke of the entire show.. no Azad, don't think like that. Everyone's nervous - it's a healthy feeling. With Amarna, they were entwined together on a mission to deliver a goodly spectacle.

The night of the actual event, Azad met up with Amarna in the cramped backstage, where everyone was by the lit mirrors, getting powdered, making sure their outfits didn't scrunch up unexpectedly, and Amarna - she noticed this change in Azad, where he'd nervously look over her and fight an internal battle in his eyes.

"Azad, what's wrong?" she went.

He felt a sense of shame in admitting he'd seen her in a lewd context, and even worse, he wanted to bang her - when they were good friends. It was merely a friendship between them, Azad realised, instead of mutual attraction. Why else had she not let him visit her at her home? And now he was to walk another precarious line, the risk of bursting this fragile bubble with an undeniable attraction.

So he hid, and said, "I'm just nervous, it's stage fright." And she held his wrists, and told him to close his eyes, drown out everything except the fact of his own breathing - it was a folk remedy she learned from a friend, and a blush escaped Azad's cheeks.

"We got this!" he went, like he had superpowers, unstoppable. There was the loud murmuring of the crowd, flooding in through the doors, sitting and some kids who were trying to catch Kadabra and Charmander in Pokemon GO.

They passed by Alex, and he nodded at them, as if saying "Do your best," while slipping a note to join him for a drink after.

The night was still young.

Azad was rubbing his throat, amped up to get on the stage, and Amarna shared the same look of readiness. They were both dressed in glittering white, with Azad bare-chested, only with pants, while Amarna had a camisole which revealed her legs. Alex and the other stagehands helped Amarna up onto a floating platform, while Azad was left on the ground.

It was dim, and then the lone spotlight on Azad, illuminating him, he was a marble statue come to life. He was alone, and in the background, the song they chose - boomed out an introductory prologue, reverbering like a great chasm within the captivated theatre.

"The French.. are glad to die, for love. They delight in fighting duels.."

It would just as well be Amarna, saying those words. And like an angel from the moon, she descended, invisible wires supporting her fall from grace.

She was heavenly, otherworldly, as her skin radiated light, and with the other spectators, Azad gazed upon her. He adored her, almost a maddening surge of lust, and the jealousy of her with those other men in the porn vids.

When she came to by Azad, they locked eyes, Azad about to shed a tear over her beauty, close enough where he felt her breath trembling over his face.

Then - staccato light and music! The mix of jazz, with rap (Amarna chose this particular remix of 21 Savage).

And in that moment, Azad's instincts took over, and he led her through the dance, and some parts when he held her arms up, there was fire in the way he gripped her, and she found Azad was taken over by a fever, and in that fever she joined in too. They forgot about the crowd, and the stage fright heretofore, and it was just the two of them in a hypnotic and spicy duet, unfolding - you forget about the seconds passing.

..

When it was over, Amarna and Azad found the entire theatre, cheering with the volume of a thousand stadiums. They were legends, and by the end when everyone was bowing down for the credits, the spotlights were on the two of them - the real highlights of the show, where roses and even someone's iPhone were being thrown at their feet.

Azad only felt gratitude - of being alive. If all his friends could see, his family too. He'll have to show them! And Amarna, she was happy, satisfied..

Never knew, I could feel like this;
like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish
inside your kiss -

Once the troupe was done patting them by the shoulder, Amarna recalled her promise with Alex for a drink, and so she led Azad, found Alex texting on his phone to his then-girlfriend.

The drink turned out to be at a nightclub. Lucho Diego's. The uber ride was paid for by Alex, who poured his admiration for the two of them like a sponge, and even took several selfies with them for posting to his snapchat.

Amarna knew the nightclub, she was there when she was around Azad's age. It was popular then for the wild music, and still is popular now for the readily served drugs, the MDMA and cocaine (quality not guaranteed).

After much Spanish babbling with Alex, the door bouncer and Amarna, they were finally let in for a discount, and the club was lit like an aquarium, with watery patterns projected from the floor, wavering over the dancers like a united cosmic energy. It happened to be retro night, and house music was blaring - Alex ordered some Jagermeisters, and in green bottles, the minty elixirs, which came down your mouth and left a smooth aftertaste, with a glow in your belly.

Azad had been to a few parties, but with the sheer relief of overcoming all the hurdles, he could afford to let himself go. A few drinks later, he was pouring out how he liked playing Rengar with Alex (who prefered top lane) in League.

"You hide in bush and you rape 'em hard, GGs my man!" Azad did a hard slap in the air, and even though he lost track of Amarna, he wound up on the floor with Alex, busting moves, catching the looks of the ladies (and a few gay men).

The collective sweat was nauseous, yet energizing. Soon, Azad wondered where Amarna was off to, but he had to take a piss, real bad. So he looked around, found the washrooms where some vomit was already on the floor (ew). The men were being hokey in the girl's WC, and in the men's room, Azad found a couple people who were snorting cocaine off the counters.

It was large, dark, and shadowy. The haze of people doing poppers, smoking crack, and in one of the stalls, he found Amarna with an Asian guy and some other chick. Amarna had a vial of something near her face, acting alluring to the guy, while the chick fondled her breasts for Azad to see.

When the Asian guy caught Azad's eye, he gave a cryptic look, before the door to the stall was slammed shut.

Azad ended up having to pee outside, by himself in the alleyway. It was brief respite from the club's atmosphere, and - the fuck was Amarna doing with that dude. Goddamn, he wanted to punch his face in so bad, and Azad gave the dumpster beside him a good kick, just to vent off steam.

Back in the club, Azad walked along the side, aimless, feeling a bit betrayed - it should be Amarna with him, alone in that stall! He ignored the dancers and drinkers who bumped into him, every so often.

Then he saw her. Her leather jacket was off. Amarna was wearing a tight, flimsy top, and she was dancing with the chick and the Asian guy.

Azad felt like stepping in, but something in him held back, as his drunken senses led him to an inertia, and he simply watched them in the act. Amarna, being sandwiched betwen the two - as if playing to Azad with her body, taunting him. After a while, Azad went up to them, his movements trance-like. He glanced at the Asian guy, who was like "She's all yours now, bud," and when he caught Amarna's gaze, she still kept on dancing. He reached for her, but she inched away, playful, joyous, in-the-heat with the eerie beat of an early 1990s album.

Then she invited him over, a hand outstreched, and while they locked gazes with one another, they began moving in-sync. Their eyes burning, his crotch getting excited as she weaved and slid her body all over him, without even touching, her ass curving over.

AS their movements grew hotter, Azad found she was melting into him, her unconfessed libido shone through - he had his hands on her butt, pulling her against him, and like an echo of when he almost felt Amarna's mouth back on the stage, he found himself in that brief impasse again.

This time, Azad brought himself to kiss her neck, and he felt her, hot, as his excitement rose to uncontrollable levels. As he moved his hands over her top, the people around them stopped dancing to stare at the wonderment.