7

During the last day in Madrid, when the troupe was packing up, Amarna received texts from Alejandro (Alex). He wanted to join them with dancing. She thought of visiting some of her girlfriends for old time's sake.. but the thought of having another friend from the same locale as her, it gave her some comfort.

"Sorry.." she texted her friends, "it'll have to be another time."

Amarna met up with Alex – he was waiting for her by Embajadores, near the gaming cafe. He was dressed in his baggy clothes, his hair clean-cut, looking like a young kid. He was adorable.

"Oooh, I don't know if Tania is willing to have one more with us," Amarna said. "But you seem gutsy. Have you written to the troupe's email yet?"

"Yeah.. it's not that. It's my parents. I don't think they'll let me."

"Aahh – what a shame. But you say you don't think? Have you spoken to them about your desires yet?"

"I tried. But, you don't know them like I do, ok? My mother, she is more understanding, but insists I need to focus on my studies. And my papi, he is bereft of any sense of passion, he talks like a flowchart and only comes up to me, always asking which Universities have you applied to? And nothing else. So I keep these sorts of things to myself.. and my few friends."

Alex hoped for Amarna to speak to his parents on his behalf; one of those situations when adults trust one another, and not their own children.

The sun beat down upon them, and they came by a busy plaza, where the fountains rained water from the marble ponies, with Amarna splashing her hand in the pool for a quick cooler.

By an old apartment entrance, Alex rang his family on the third floor. On the intercom: "Hi, I have a friend over – she's from the show I saw."

When the door buzzed open, the elevator up was so cramped, Alex had to offer his ass by Amarna's ass, with the years-old stickers on the elevator frames promising a good time if you joined the dating chatrooms. It was only his second time bringing a girl up for his parents..

The door was already open, with his father – thin, his face pruned like Mick Jagger's, and inappropriately dressed up in a dress shirt for work when it was just the weekend. But meanwhile, you could smell Alex's mom's cooking, sizzling from the kitchen. She was making stir-fry noodles for lunch.

"Oh, she your friend?" his papi went, his eyes scrutinizing her from top to bottom. "I thought we said no more girlfriends until second year of uni. You haven't forgotten how heartbroken Miriam left you?"

"Her name's Amarna.." Alex said. "And she's not my girlfriend!" with his face flushed with embarassment over how blunt his dad could get.

Amarna tried being friendly and shook his dad's hand; he felt flabby and cold and left her with an indescribably weird feeling.

The noodles had clouts of celery and relish on top, as dressing, and it was some of the best Amarna's ever had. But it was awkward, talking with Alex's parents.

"Would Alex have time to study for his finals?" his dad grilled her. His look, it resembled that of an interrogator – his collar buttoned up to his neck. "Is he going to behave? Will you be watching over him?"

To distract herself from the pressure of answering, Amarna ate some of the noodles, and even complemented Alex's mom (modest about her own cooking).

The ordeal left Amarna feeling woozy, and so, Alex took her to the privacy of his room, where he had his collection of toy figurines from the otaku markets, and drawings from comic artists.

"Your dad is stuck-up," she admitted.

"That's what I've been saying! And please don't give me the standard crap, oh, they just love you, you should appreciate their care – no, I'm trying to get out of here! Away from them!" Alex was fuming, and he sighed, glancing out the window at the town square before him, and the infinite horizons beyond.

"I only had my mama," Amarna said, to distract Alex from his problems. "Growing up, I wished I had a papi.. but in some ways, I'm glad I didn't. What I could tell you is that family is who you feel it with, not the people who happen to share your blood."

Alex thought of the people surrounding Amarna, the cool dance artists, whose beauty of practicing their craft got revered. Like they were making a living off what they truly loved doing. Imagine.. having people like that, and to call them family..

One thing he knew – he would gladly risk being whisked off, as anywhere was better than staying home.

Soon, Alex was brought on the troupe, albeit Tania falsified his age to make it legal for him to be paid, out of country. A few of the dancers jested at him over looking so young, and with residence, he would be staying with Amarna in Germany.

Azad, back at home.. he hugged his mom and little brother (who grew a couple inches since his absence). And in his room, which had been dusted and cleaned up of used soda cans, he propped open his old laptop and greeted his friends.

"Yo, Azad, that was fuckin' dope," Kevin said. "Collect any souvenirs for me while you banged Amarna in Spain?"

Azad's face turned beet red. He had his chance to, and he blew it. "It was the fuck of the century dude," he lied. "Don't believe me? 'Ohh Azad.. harder.. please, yes my god!'" he went, falsetto. "Yes Amarna, you've found God."

"Mmmh, I thought as much. Well I've climbed to Diamond I, I'm almost at my promos to Challenger!"

"Really?"

"One-tricking Kha'Zix gets you places meng!"

"Fuck me.. I gotta climb!"

And Azad, forgetting to unpack, he spent the evening sliding down the ladder, demoted to Silver I from his jetlag and cursing at his teammates for failing to go in when he dove on their carries.

Moreso.. he yearned for Amarna to call him, even during these matches. But at the end, when it was almost midnight, no call. He felt jealousy welling in his heart again, stronger this time – a cold stab.

Should he call her? To see if things were alright? He settled against it, even though he imagined Amarna, looking after Alex like he was her new playmate. Heh, if she really cared – no, she was busy unpacking, settling back in after the flight home, but why not talk with him, like how girlfriends usually do?

Whatever the case.. he was too tired to do anything properly, so he slept his worries away.

And there was snow, a blanket of whiteness which stretched, far beyond the depths. He wore an old hobo's coat, clutching it like a desperate shield against the overwhelming icy cold. The winds tore through him nonetheless, and he trudged on. It didn't matter where. He had already lost his soul.

Azad woke, shivering. He wasn't cold. The street lamps still shone through the windows. He glanced at his alarm clock – gee, it was 3 in the morning. And he had the urge to go pee.

Maybe it was jetlag. But Spain wasn't too far away from Germany..

After peeing, Azad thought of the dream. It felt like an exaggeration of his jealousy, even though it made no sense. Then he thought of Amarna – her smile, her hands, her carefree kiss shared with him. The happiest he's felt in a long time. The thought of her giving that all away to someone else.. like good ice cream that was licked by a hundred different tongues!

He was still dead-ass tired, but not drowsy enough, so he fumbled in the dark for his phone. It had a notification light on, it piqued him. The screen was blinding, and through the notifications of likes he received on Instagram, Facebook, and some promotional emails from the troupe about their recent success ("You'll be getting your pay today!" Tania wrote).

Nothing from Amarna.

So he texted her: "Can't sleep. And I got demoted to Silver I in league, wtf."

There was no reply.

Azad wrote: "But really, I can't sleep because my thoughts; I always think of you now. You changed my life, Amarna. You're genuinely vibrant, and it's like I look forward to each new day with you in it. No girl on Earth will ever leave me feeling this way. If you're sleeping, and see this text the next morning – with all the following you've gotten, and the people in the world who care, know that you'll be in my dearest thoughts, now and always."

He thought of adding "xoxo" but it just felt too cheesy.

Now and always.. Azad put the phone down by the charger, and he wrapped himself with the blanket and feeling contentment, he grinned to himself before sleeping again.

Azad grabbed his phone, and he found Amarna's reply: "Sorry Azad for not replying sooner, I was feeling down. Hormonal issues. Thank you for all those kind words btw – you are a sweet soul. I'm glad to know you."

His parents were shocked when he revealed how much money he'd earned; it was comparatively speaking, greater than six months of working as a video editor. So it was easy to forgive how Azad missed his finals of high school. He promised to make up for it – and his parents insisted he take the missed exams.

So he studied. He asked his friends what to really expect, and with their help, and countless nights of dedication – he was over high school.

By then, it was Winter.

Azad had lagged behind his pals when it came to applying for college - he applied for Cologne University, under their young filmmakers program. An essay describing how he'd stand out as a prospective student, as well as a sample of his video work (optional, but highly recommended). During his time rehearsing, he had some video clips he saved – perhaps he could edit that into a montage of the joy he had..

But those clips were sparse, and some of it was unusable. He had to make it look professional, and had only five days to submit something. What could he do?

Amarna and Alex.. even after months of being with the troupe, those were the names that popped in his head. He would record himself with them, capture that beauty much like how that moment was in the Cine Callao.

From his idea, it started with a phone call..

"Hallo – I've got something," Azad went, talking with Amarna. He could hear her sizzling her lunch, so he felt like he had to shout. "A dance? In the Sycamore Square at 2? Can you get Alex too, if he's not too busy grinding League?"

The Sycamore Square was an abandoned patch of town, ideal for people to do their dirty business, but it wasn't too dangerous. Everyone respected each other's desires to be left alone with their own thing. The clouds seemed to sink heavily down, and it started to lightly snow, when Azad, Amarna and Alex hopped off the bus, with Kevin carrying the camera equipment.

Azad knew a patch of the square, where it was a wide open space, surrounded by warehouses. The ground had rough footing, muddy stones, but it was good enough. Amarna in her velvet coat was enchanting, and Alex had been growing his hair out.

"That's the gyroscope stabilizer, dummy!" Kevin said, as Azad tried to assemble the camera parts.

It didn't escape Azad's notice when Amarna's fingers were entwined with Alex's. But Azad kept his yap shut. He had Amarna do a little reverie in the derelict plaza, and the way the snow fell with the light breeze tustling her hair.. it was nice. Then he had Alex join in, and Alex – the way he moved was as if in a conjured frenzy, his head shaking, arms swishing, and like a jazz session they both played off one another, as Amarna gained some of Alex's frenzy, and Alex discovering calmness.

"Well, this isn't half-bad," Kevin went, holding the camera around the dancers.

"Time for me to make a big entrance!" Azad said, and then he hopped in the scene and he was in Amarna's face, as he followed her catlike grace, and caught her rose-like perfume. Something was different, it was not like the times they had from before, for he detected in her reluctance, like she all but wanted to just pull away from him, and the snow was falling in droves now, so they had to stop.

Azad was left glum, and by the time it came to footage editing – borrowing Kevin's computer, he felt a sort of depression, glancing at Amarna's face while she danced alone, with Alex – with him. The magic they shared, it was lost, and he felt the jealousy break through again, and..

"Azad?" Kevin asked. "What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing," Azad said, nervously glancing at his phone. "I think I need a water.. we've been at it for hours.."

But Kevin knew his friend well enough to know better. "Did something happen? Everything alright with you and her?"

"Nah, everything's fine, we're happy! See-" Azad was zipping through the clips. "See how Amarna dances so snazzy with Alex, and when she's with me, I feel her eyes stop glowing.."

Kevin scrutinized the clips. "Dood, you can't really blame her," he said. His finger pointed at Azad's aggressive, cocky stance. "I'm no fuckin' expert at this schisse, but you were trying to domineer the scene. See, you got in her face like that.. how would you react, if you were in her spot?"

"I would have tried to dance harder, steal the spotlight back!"

"Is this meant to be a competition? Tell me, did Tania say that you're meant to one-up each other, or is it a collaborative effort?"

"What the fuck.. we are collaborating! How else did we get so many cheers in Madrid?"

"Not from what I can see." Kevin scrolled to the image where Azad wiped Amarna's hair from the excess snow. "I don't mean anything bad, I'm merely the devil's advocate here, but it seems like if you want to improve your relationship chances – you have to place her feelings more into your consideration. Azad, from how I know you, you tend towards narcissism – that's not always bad, you're always fun at parties, but you could take a step back.. try to see the bigger picture."

"All I know.." Azad went, "I did something wrong. She's slipping away from me, Kevin! Goddamn, why did I barge in her bathroom like a drunken jerk-"

"That's not what I'm talking about. Stuff like that, it's incidental. What I mean is, you don't always know her side of the story. Even though it seems like, she's so lovey-dovey when she's around you, that's just one emotional facet of her, one of many. She could be dealing with personal issues of her own, that you don't know about.."

"Why would I not know?" Azad paced around Kevin's room, an immaculately minimalist area save for his University notes. "We're basically boyfriend-girlfriend at this point, meng. She would confide in me if she has any problems, and I'll be there to help her-"

"I beg to differ," Kevin went. "For all I know, it's your assumption she's your lover. But really, to her, you're more like.. a friendly guy at the dance troupe. She's nine years older than you dude, with a life of her own apart.. what can you really expect – for her to fall heads over heels for a young adult, who won't provide much for her.."

The more Kevin spoke, the lower Azad's spirits sank, even though Kevin "was right." What did it really mean to "be right?" 2+2=4 wasn't the end-all, be-all of reality..

"Kevin, I don't think you know an ounce of love," Azad went. "Even if it came and sat upon your head! Oh sure, you go off with girls at parties, even have threesomes with them in the toilet! But at the end of the day.. you're just flinging. And then you're back to League, like nothing had ever happened, GGs, you masturbated with a real girl's body instead of rosie palms. You have never felt – your heart.. swelling like a balloon over the thought of her, and how it makes tomorrow feel alright. That one person in the world, for you, the stars would gladly fall for her, and you.. being in her heart.. if there is a God, you thank him a million times just to be here, to exist.. be alive though all the pain and bullshit.."

Azad realised he was starting to cry, to choke up. "I love her. I know she has feelings back for me, and I like.. the way I feel."

Kevin was at a loss for words – he laid his hand on Azad's shoulder, and it turned into a bro-hug. "To me," Kevin said, "it's just a game of chemicals in your brain. Love is the ultimate drug.. I prefer to stay out of it, but hey, at least you have some drive.. Just do me one favour, don't let it get to your head too much. At the end of the day, you're still Azad, right?"

Azad grinned. He wiped his tears and the snot from his nose. "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog!" he went.

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!" Kevin gave Azad a friendly slap on the back, and they went back to editing out the video, nevermind that Azad's phone had one unread text message.